Two finals done, three to go. This was my hardest day of finals, and now I have a good 21 hours until another one.

I am...cautiously optimistic about how things went today. CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC. For both stats and psych, I was pretty confident about the majority of my answers. I'm at least getting a B in stats, and at least getting an AB in psych for the semester. Of course, I didn't need high grades on the final to get these scores. Where it gets tricky is whether or not I could get an AB in stats and an A in psych. THE ANSWER?: I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE. I feel like I was kind of on the fence for both, so I'm going to have to wait for my grades to be posted fffffffff. I wish I had done more extra credit for psych,d gfadkghkadfgh;l

My body just kind of crashed after my finals today. Took a nap to make up for my lack of sleep the past few nights and I'm still having trouble keeping my eyes open. Which isn't good, as I have two finals tomorrow to study for. I think I'll go eat something and drink some hot chocolate, wake me up and warm me up, because holy shit I am really cold, and then jump into another round of studying. Luckily, this round won't be quite so freaking intense. And my finals don't start until noon tomorrow, hell yeah.

I'm just a little upset. My boy was supposed to be coming back out this way sometime this week. First, it was supposed to be Tuesday. Then it changed to Wednesday. And then it changed again to Thursday. But now he can't come because he's over drafted plus neither one of us have gas money to get him out here. I really wanted to see him again, at least before Christmas. And it's not even the fact I won't see him for three weeks (if he doesn't make it back out here one more time), but that we never really get to spend that much time together during the holidays. Like last year, we didn't get to see each other and exchange gifts. And we didn't even get to spend New Years together last year. Then, of course, the same thing happens this year. It really bums me out. He's going to South Carolina for the hundredth time. He's going to be there up until January 5th. But yeah, all my friends are spending their new years with their boyfriends/girlfriends except. And that's one of my favorite holidays because you get to dress up and have a bunch of fun, then kiss your boo at midnight when the ball drops. I, of course, don't get to do that, again, for the second year in a row. Grrrrrrr. I just really wish he could make it out here today and stay until like Monday, like we had discussed. I'm just really quite bummed.




P.S.- My mom was evening going to drive me out to the Burg this afternoon so I'd be there to see/hangout with him.

This sadness feels like a sickness. Fuck the menstrual cycle. This sadness feels so comfortable and familiar. It reminds me of highschool and loneliness. Alex is coming over but i dont even want him to. I think id rather sit alone and stew in my loneliness and cry. Incidentally, I'm listening to bright eyes. I think its pms and winter all rolled together .... and i'm letting the birds of sadness nest in my hair.... I dont even care.

Has anyone else noticed how trendy its become to say "fml"? I don't get it. Its a pretty unhappy acronym. I think people should respect life more. Its been a lonely Hanukkah. Im gonna go practice headstands.

Ten-year-olds shown photos of former classmates they had not seen since preschool recognize (amid other photos of preschoolers) only 1 in 5 of their one-time compatriots. Yet their physiological responses (measures as skin perspiration) are greater to their former classmates, whether or not they consciously recognize them. What the conscious mind does not know and cannot express in words, the nervous system somehow remembers.

That is from my psychology textbook.

In other words, "what the heart forgets, the body remembers"

BODY MEMORIES

CLAMP IS HELPING ME WITH PSYCHOLOGY

THANKS, BB

/is a nerd

/goes back to studying

I really, really, really need to stop doing this to myself.
you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now.
but apparently, I'm a very slow learner
as in, very

RAWR.
-angryface-

I hate that my two hardest finals are on the same day. And one is immediately following the other. So much studying, soooooooooo so so so so tired. But things will calm down soon. Just a few more days. I'm going to do the best I can. And hopefully that will be good enough in the end. ALL RIGHT, THEN LET'S GO /o/

I've been LOVING LOVING LOVING all these empty days. Without yoga, i'd go insane, but since I get a nice sweaty outlet, I've been napping, reading, and sitting on the couch watching tv oh-so-peacefully. Still, every once in a while, I start to feel restless. No one is really around, Alex is working all day, and my new friend, though I adore her, is as flaky as they come. I mean, I can't complain, I know Im flaky too. But, it just gets sorta lonely sometimes. Thank god for desperate housewives reruns on lifetime. siiiigh.

I'm making a Christmas list of things I want but didn't tell anyone cuz I don't feel comfortable with people spending lots of money on me :x it took Graham forever just to get me to admit to wanting a PSP lol. Anyway just my Christmas list cuz I'm booorrreeedddd

1. Dexter seasons 1-whatever season is out now
2. Psych seasons 1-whatever is out now
3. Torchwood seasons 1-2 and Children of Earth
4. The big turtle squishy plushy thing...it's like $40 but it's huuggggeeeee and I wants it :x
5. A purple wig to fit Jirah, my SOOM Culprit
6. Both Professor Layton games (I lost my first one T_T)
7. A new copy of The World Ends With You (Same as above T___T)
8. A passport (lol)
9. The new Mario Bros. Wii game and the game for the DS

And that's pretty much it :/ I wasn't really big on asking for stuff this year. But either way this is just a list, not givin' it to anyone. My mom didn't get her Christmas bonus because her boss is being an ass so we has no Christmas presents this year ^^;; kinda sad but ah well. Such is life. I don't even know if I'll be going home because I'm working up until Christmas Eve and my parents don't want me driving on the roads during the holidays due to traffic. I might just go home after the new year but still, it's sad. Graham said I could spend the holidays with him though so that was nice :3

My mom said though, if things turn around this new year we'd take a trip to California after my brother moves out there to see him before he's shipped off to Afghanistan (ignore the misspelling, I didn't feel like looking it up) so that might be fun in the summer. I like visiting California. And maybe if I'm lucky they'll let me go to the Volks Store or the Baby, The Stars Shine Bright store! I hope so! That'd be fun ^^ Or maybe we could be there when Comic Con or even Yaoi con is going on!!! That would be so cool! But I dunno, either way should be interesting.

That's about it for now. I'm almost done with finals! one more to go! And I got an A on the Poetry Portfolio I turned in! Which I was glad for since I put it together the night before/ the morning it was due '''XD lulz

Until later~!

I didn't go to yoga yesterday, but i'm sorta on a roll, and I was allllll pumped to go to wendy's class tonight.... like.... so pumped that I was practicing trikonasana during my break at work this morning. That's how pumped. I can feel my body opening up and it wants more more more!!!!! But I totally forgot that tonight Rob's old roommate Nick is playing Eddie's Attic, and he's here from nashville, and I know he can rock the keys. Besides that, I told him I'd come see his set. Soooo I'm missing yoga and I am SO SAD ABOUT IT!! Maybe I'll practice at home once I digest this burrito, but it won't be the same :( I'm so sad I thought i should write about it to help me cope.

Leeloo.

Dad took me out to breakfast before heading back home this morning. Not very eventful, but it was nice to have pancakes that actually tasted good. (the ones in the dining hall here? craptapular.)

Met with my group for our speech before Festival of Carols: The Sequel. Not many people were in the audience-I think more people were performing on stage, actually. Tonight's concert was professionally recorded or something, and the CDs are coming out after winter break, so I'll make sure to buy one. Women's Chorus sounded pretty good tonight, I think.

I forgot to mention yesterday. Chamber Choir sang a song that I TOTALLY KNEW. It was a carol I sang with SOB when we did a thousand gigs in the span of two weeks last year! But I can't remember the name of the carol, and Chamber Choir sang it in a different language, and now it's bugging me. WHAT WAS THAT SONG? It's so pretty, too. I remember Jackie Hulina falling in love with one of the chords, because it is a pretty chord and yeah. Flashbacks.

Also I've come to accept the fact that some people will just never grow up. YOU DO NOT TALK IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONCERT. Just no. kdfaghak;dffdkjARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Now I have to get ready for THE LAST WEEK OF THE SEMESTER. HOLY SHIT.

ok, so bad things have to happen before they get good again, but man, it's been a little rough. got in that car accident with my ma'. then saw renae/lem out saturday night. lem and i talked (which i guess could be a good thing, but not really). i'm 23, don't want to waste my time on fake people and fake things. then my mom's cat died today. she's been sick for awhile, but she gave out today. i guess she's no longer in pain. i guess things could be worse, a lot worse. and it's the holiday season, i should be thankful for the things/people i have. and i am, of course, i am. but hope things start to look up, just a little bit.




one thing i am extremely excited about, dexter. new episode tonight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYd8NIksGPU#watch-main-area





p.s.- i want this for christmas: http://store.globalgrind.com/ProductDetails.aspx?p=59421

Sitting at home. Baking. Drinking spiked hot cocoa. Watching The Holiday. Mourning the life I don't yet have. And realizing I have it good.

BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Okay, so Festival of Carols was tonight and ffffffffffffffff it was so much fun ;o; THIS IS WHAT CHOIR SHOULD BE LIKE ALL THE TIME BITCHES

Dad came up to see me, and he didn't fall asleep during it or anything, he was nice and attentive and happy to see me and took me out to Friday's afterward and let me buy dessert.

We had an extra rehearsal this morning, all four choirs were supposed to be there, and the rehearsal was kinda frustrating but the actual concert? FUN AS ALL HELL.

We sang Keep Your Lamps TWICE FUCK YEAH, at the beginning and then 2nd to last piece, although we had to do this weird processional step thing for the opening, it was really pointless imo, but whateva.

Men's chorus was first, and fffff I have so missed listening to men singing. Women's chorus is obviously lacking in testosterone. They sang acapella Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies, it was HIGH-LARIOUS and AWESOME. Then everyone sang Deck the Hall, then Chamber Choir proved they were awesome. They're so good, and I love the pieces they sing omg. They did Riu Riu Chiu! FUCK YEAH. Then was intermission. THEN WOMEN'S CHORUS. WE SOUNDED GOOD. Fuckkkkk we have such talent in our group, we sounded good at the concert, we would have sounded ten times better if people actually cared about practice AHHHH! But in any case, I love how we sounded during this the French piece and then WE KICKED ASS FOR MY FAVORITE SONG. It was like some calypso song, it sounded like crap for a while, but we pulled it together and got the rhythms right and fffffffffffff so awesome I WAS SO HAPPY YOU GUYS ;;;;;;

Dad taped the concert! I can't wait to see it when I'm home.

Everyone then sang Oh Come All Ye Faithful, then Concert Choir went. They sang this beautiful version of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, I might have teared up a little. Then everyone sang KYL again as we all headed up on stage for the finale. Which sounded great. Of course.

And in between people were laughing and smiling and the music was pretty. IT REKINDLED MY LOVE FOR CHOIR women's chorus has kind of been beating out the life of me because no one cares but the concert reminded me why I love music and that might sound cheesy but whatever.

SO HAPPY &hearts

So tired as well, must sleep.

Laura texts me saying she found something cool to get Mark for x-mas, but it's out of our price range.

We text each other back trying to figure out what to get him and Sarah.

Two seconds later, Mark texts me asking what he should get Laura for x-mas.

I LOVE MY SIBLINGS OKAY WTF WAS THAT

&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts

I will be home in eight days \o/

The semester is winding down, holy shit. Three more days of classes, whut. And that means I have little work left to do (other than studying for finals). About 60% of the work left to do is write my damn speech. So I'm doing it tonight. I'm not going to sleep until it's done. It shouldn't take me that long. I'll be busy tomorrow and it needs to be done for Sunday with I meet with my group, so fuck it all, I'm doing it tonight.

Yes, this is a procrastination post, what did you think?

Today got off to a bad start-I was nearly late to HAL lab this morning. I couldn't find my gloves, either, and came back to my dorm much later to see that THEY WERE ON THE EXTRA BED gaaaaah. But anyway, I got my score for lab in, and calculated all my grades for HAL. As it turns out, I need an 88% on the final exam to get an A for the semester. If I pay attention and review and such, I think I can do it.

Lab was such a pain this morning, though. We did rollerblading. I LIKE rollerblading, but not like this. For starters, the blades provided to us were crap. ADDISON TRAIL'S WERE BETTER. And when ATHS has better equipment than you, than you know you've done something wrong. We also had to wear disgusting-public-clearly-not-washed-enough ~protection~: helmet, knee pads, wrist guards. SO DISGUSTING. And I understand wanting us to be safe, but wtf, we're rollerblading in a circle around a gymnasium, is all that gear really necessary? On the plus side we listened to sweet music had this limbo thing going, and flying under a jumprope while "Living on a Prayer" is playing in the background is a fun thing to do.

Hung out in the library for a while, doing the majority of my psych homework. The library has some of those cushiony huge fluffy 'chair' things on the second floor, so I plopped down and just read the textbook. It is now my new favorite place on campus. Ffff, it was so comfy, I just wanted to curl up and take a nap. :3

We had an extra rehearsal for Women's Chorus. Things went pretty well, some of our songs are sounding not so bad anymore. We actually stayed in key for all the songs, what a concept.

I just downed an entire Luke's-mug full of hot chocolate. Will get more and then get cracking on the stupid speech, ugh.

So my mom and I drop my brother off at Orchard Park Retirement Home (this is where he works) and we head North on 34th Avenue towards Castlevale/Fruitvale to go to Black Angus for soup/bread (all I can really eat since I had my colonoscopy yesterday). Well, we're going through the intersection of 34th and Castlevale (34th has no stop signs, going North and South, however, Castlevale, going East and West do have stop signs). Well, we get hit because some high school kid runs the stop sign. We get out and he gets out of his car. Hardly any damage to his green Jetta. Although he says one of his front tires is messed up. Then we look at my car. The front passenger side is smashed in, light broken. Ohh, and I forgot to add, my mom was driving, but when she tried to get out of the driver side door it wouldn't open, so
I had to get out of the passenger side and she had to climb over. The driver side door doesn't want to open, unless you pull really really hard. Ok, so a few people living in the neighborhood notice and come check on us. One guy over hears the kid who was dribing the green Jetta on the phone to someone saying that he's going to be in a lot of trouble because alas, he has no license or insurance. Well, my mom calls the cops and then calls insurance. She tells them both what happened. Well, this kid has one of his high school friends show up in a red car. Then about five minutes later two adults, a man and a woman (maybe his parents) show up. They try telling my mom we shouldn't report it and handle it on our own. And that everyone should just be responsible for their own car. Yeah fucking right!!! Why would we pay for my car??? We didn't hit it and we weren't the ones who caused the accident. My mom tells them she already called the police and insurance. They all start talking off in a corner and then next thing you know, they're all getting into their cars and leaving. Just as this happens my mom's friend Sue, who lives close by shows up, so my mom tells Sue to follow them. The kid I guess drives in circles, trying to speed up because he knows he's being followed. Well, he eventually goes to a house and drives into a garage, where the adults are at and already have the garage door open. They close the door and go instead. Well, luckily my mom wrote down this kids license plate number and calls the cops to tell them they left. By the time Sue comes back a lady cop has arrived. She says since the people left, that's leaving the "scene of a crime" and so fourth, etc. Sue takes the cop to the house where she saw the kid drop the car, but the cop checks the garage and it's gone. They probably went to hide it somewhere else. I guess the cop questions the people, but when she returns to us, she doesn't tell us what they said. She said, however, when she was in the garage she smelt like burnt tires, like a car had just been there. She said that they'll probably report their car as stolen, as to try and get away with it. So then the lady officer takes our statements and waits with us while my car gets towed. I guess we may have to go to court, if his parents don't have insurance and don't want to pay for the damages. Luckily, we have insurance though. So we're going to go get a rental car today. And then wait to hear back from our insurance. I guess we're not involved with the cops anymore, the insurance company is. But yeahhh, my mom and I are sore as hell. We're going to the doctors today to get some things checked out. So if anything is the matter we're going to go after them to get money for injuries and my car. I guess, it may get fixed, but they think the frame is fucked, which means they'll total it and I'll get however much money my car is worth. Which means I may get a new car. Either way, the whole situation is fucked up!! Stupid ass kid!!! And stupid ass parents!!! Karma. That's all I can say.